All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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