Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
