i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
