He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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