Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
