so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
