Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
