obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
