She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
