just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
