My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
