Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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