Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
