Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I understand Curling. That high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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