Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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