so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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