I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
