You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
