I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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