This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
