singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
