it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
