I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
