His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
