Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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