i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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