2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
