any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
