Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
