I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
