Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
