Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
People in love make me want to vomit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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