Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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