Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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