i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
