i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
