Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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