Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
