I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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