You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
