check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i already hear my dad disowning me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
