For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
