Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
