ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
