Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
