your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
her vagine was all disorganized.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
