I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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