i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
