They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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