Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
