how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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