I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
