Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
