You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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