dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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