You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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